How delighted I am that you’ve found my journal! My name is Jellybean, and I feel certain that here you will spend many thousands of hours poring over my tales of adventure, courage, and cunning. Composing lengthy letters to my penpal, Fluffystuff, is one of my favorite pasttimes, and I enjoy posting those letters in this diary for the benefit of your reading pleasure and edification. Fluffystuff is a cultured kitty living in an idyllic cottage in Shropshire, where he tends a prestigious rose and catnip garden.
I haven’t yet had time to compose my official autobiography, so here are a few essential tidbits: I’m a distinguished kitty gentleman, a renaissance kitty if you will, living at KittyBottom Garden on Pottytock Drive. I have three ridiculous brothers: Braesnut, Scampers, and Sneakers, each of whom I plan to purrder in some dramatic fashion.
I must admit that I do not maintain this diary all on my own; oh no! I am much too busy. In my employ are two morons, Kitten and Dampers, and they do much of the work around here (sub-par as it is.) In their spare time, they seem to enjoy driving around in an orange pumpkin, and they usually return having purchased plants that I am not allowed to nibble.