CATS!

Dear Fluffystuff,

Oh Fluffystuff, I apologize that I have neglected writing you thus far in this new year of twenty-twenty! I’m not without excuse, though: my brothers and I have been recuperating from what was indeed a tremendously wild New Year’s Eve party. Whatever it is that transpires in Las Vegas does not even approach the orbit of December 31st on Pottytock Drive. Don’t worry; since then we’ve been hard at work sleeping, napping, absorbing sunbeams, eating nine meals a day, licking our paws, and in general, successfully attending to the business of kitty health and leisure.

Our first order of adventure in the new year was to treat ourselves to some entertainment. This morning, we gathered all of the kitties who live on Pottytock Drive and boarded Sneakers’ Schoolbus. We picked up Cocobean and her date, The Raccoon, and then we drove to the Longfurries’ house to pick up Mei Mei, Mr. Too O’Tall, Ty, and Princess. (By the way, I have altered my opinion of The Raccoon slightly. It turns out that he, like me, is a connoisseur of fine dining and has even persuaded his humans to feed him avocado.)

Once we’d gathered all the kitties into Sneakers’ Schoolbus, we drove to the theater and watched what must be the greatest movie ever made: CATS! Fluffystuff, I think I have found a new hero: his name is Mr. Mistoffelees, and he is a magical cat. Do you think I could perhaps learn to be a magical cat? I think it might help with some of my business ventures. Regardless, you really must go see CATS! I cannot tell you how much we all enjoyed it.

Please do write soon, Fluffystuff, and be sure to let me know what you’ve been eating and nibbling lately!

Fondly, Jellybean

Christmas Concert

Dear Fluffystuff,

We are just about to begin opening our Christmas presents, but I wanted to send you a quick note and a picture from our recent Christmas Concert at Cat Church. As you might expect, I put on a splendid performance! Did you know that in addition to my innumerable talents in the arts, in business, and in life itself, I am also an acclaimed concert pianist?

Sneakers and a few of his brothers joined the choir this year, which is curious because I do not think any of them read, sing, or even know what hymns are. Cocobean is our soloist, and she does put on a show! Scampers has ignited much fury among our stodgier choir members (in particular, Braesnut) because he insists on waving his arms around like a silly lunatic. But overall, and with only mild reservation, I do think that our performance was a wild success and enjoyed by all.

Merry Christmas, Fluffystuff, and I look forward to our continued friendship and correspondence in the new year!

Love, Jellybean

King Jear Problems

Dear Fluffystuff,

Since our production of Jellybean’s Nutcracker last Friday was such a success, we decided to proceed with our performance of King Lear. Sadly, we have encountered an insurmountable setback, and I’m afraid our performance is postponed indefinitely. I will require your assistance regarding this grave and unexpected problem, which is why I will attempt to explain our misfortune at length.

Our rehearsal began well enough, and I had a feeling that Lear might be an even greater success than Nutcracker. I began by exercising my artistic license to implement a few improvements. My first improvement was to alter the name of the play from King Lear to King Jear (what kind of name is Lear, anyway?) Jear has such a nice ring to it, not to mention that my royal cape costume already had a J embroidered on it. Easy enough.

My second improvement was to make several small yet vital changes to the story. You see, we had to make some assumptions to begin with; King Lear looks to be very long and very boring, so we thought we’d give it a go without wasting all that time reading. Truly, every time we attempted reading even the title page, we all fell into a stupor! And I must express my personal opinion: I am not impressed with this Shakespeare character and his blathering scribbles. He ought to spend some time reading quality literature, such as my Nancy Drew mysteries. I would happily lend him a few! Nothing shameful in learning from the best, I say.

We knew that this Mr. Shakespeare falls back on the same tired characters and plot devices in all of his stories, so we chose a few of the most typical to feature: ladies in distress, balconies, evil potions, court jesters, and oddly enough, breakfast foods. One of his most popular stories is called Hamlet, but I am positive (and my brothers agree) that he must have meant Omelet (Nancy Drew would never tolerate such sloppiness.) Perhaps he was hungry for eggs and ham, and he didn’t proofread?

Thus began our rehearsal: Sneakers would play the Fried Egg, Cocobean would play the Lady in Distress on a Balcony, Braesnut the Court Jester, Scampers the Brewer of Evil Potions, and I, of course, would play the great Jear. But then – oh Fluffystuff, what a shock we all had! You see, my beautiful girlfriend Cordelia had volunteered to read the dull and lengthy King Lear in its original form to help us in our efforts, and you will not believe what she found: her own name, Cordelia, listed as a main character.

Fluffystuff, I knew that Mr. Shakespeare was a shameless composer of meaningless drivel, but I never imagined he would stoop to committing fraud and identity theft rather than dream up some new characters. Now I must ask for your assistance: since both you and Mr. Shakespeare live in England, might you look into hiring a detective to discover why he stole my Cordelia’s identity for his silly story? If you’d like to borrow one of my Nancy Drew mysteries for inspiration, just say the word. Cordelia is furious and will not rest until the thief is punished!

Fondly,

Jellybean

Sugar Plum Jellybean

Dear Fluffystuff,

The most wonderful time of the year indeed, Fluffystuff! It is time to begin planning my annual performance of Christmastime’s greatest entertainment: The Nutcracker. Ballet companies the world over plan their piddly renditions in their rinky-dink theaters, but none compare to the grandeur of Jellybean’s Nutcracker. Were both Tchaikovsky and Balanchine alive to witness my great production, they would find themselves agape and in awe!

Now I do encounter some logistical casting difficulties at this stage. Since I am undoubtedly the star, I prefer to perform the roles of both Sugar Plum Fairy as well as the Mouse-Murdering, Handsome-Soldier Hero (I don’t recall his actual name.) However, my beautiful girlfriend Cordelia has informed me that from now on, she is the Sugar Plum Fairy. A gentleman recognizes when he must concede defeat!

Sneakers will obviously be Mother Ginger and his gigantic herd of a family will obviously play her children. I told him that he must wear his costume and he must not eat or nibble on his bonnet or tassels. Scampers wants to play Clara, and his audition was so-so, so I said “fine.” I suspect he believes he will actually receive all the toys under the tree for himself – tee-hee!

Do you think you might be able to attend our one and only magnificent performance, Fluffystuff? We’re scheduled for next Friday evening around 2am, once everyone’s awake and feeling lively. It would mean so much to me, and I’m only charging $4,999 per ticket! I know you’ve met Mei Mei and Mr. Too O’Tall, and they’ve promised to come. Oh, and Cocobean will also be attending, and you know how she’s always such a spectacle. She said she is bringing a raccoon as her date!

Fondly,

Jellybean

Turkeydumples

Hi Fluffystuff!

Jellybean can’t write this week because he’s busy making decorations for our Thanksgiving dinner. I haven’t seen him around lately, and now that I think about it, I ought to check underneath the mountain of pumpkin garlands he was last seen assembling. He’s pretty tiny, and sometimes he gets so excited about his projects that he becomes buried in them. Jellybean wants us all to dress up like our favorite Thanksgiving foods, so I’m a Tuna Pie. Braesnut is a Green Bean. Do you like my costume? I like it but it makes me hungry, and it’s also a little snug. Well, it’s about time for my nap, so talk to you later Fluffystuff!

Love, Sneakers